paint me as the villian

Amidst the turmoil

photo credit: Colleen Snow

At this point in my life, I must accept that I'm going to be painted as the villain; the Great Disrupter.

I'm working on being okay with this.

I'm working on not worrying about others perception of me, or theories of what I'm going to do, or why I've done something.

wait..

for real...

Someone (with an LCSW) just said to me, "Looks like he knows how to make you question yourself. He has it down to a science."

I'll be back later.. I need to chew and digest this for a bit.


** later **


This scares me. As of lately, I've had to ask others around me if my reactions are unfounded or legitimate, and if I'm reacting rationally. Have I been conditioned to believe my emotions are not valid, and that I am incapable of rational reaction? (Question mark since I'm still working through this)

Fuck that. Yes, I am rational in my reactions and concerns.

I'm also really tired of being dismissed. This is a HUGE reason why I'm divorced, and I'm sure if you ask my ex right now he'd probably still say "I don't know why."

EXACTLY.

You don't know if you, 1. Don't ask. and 2. Don't listen.

It's infuriating being overlooked. Worse when its the emotions of a highly sensitive person. This is where questioning myself and "he has it down to a science." YES. His inability to emote doesn't allow him to suppress mine. Because I am an emotional person, doesn't mean its wrong. It doesn't mean it's ridiculous. It doesn't mean you get to dismiss it because you can't handle my emotions... and not even your own.

I'm really struggling with this right now. I'll come back to this soon. I'm gonna quote Remus Lupin and say "but for now I rest." aka... I'm fucking spent.