Setting Boundaries

                                                           Life is but a drop of water

How often do we talk about abuse from a boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse? How often is familial abuse talked about? I'm going to talk about it because it's been weighing on my mind for a while.

What happens when family is verbally or emotionally abusive. Its easier to say "cut them out of your life" if there's physical abuse, but what about the other types? "At least they didn't hit you." is not a valid excuse. EVER. I'll be the first to say this:

1. YOU DO NOT NEED TO TAKE THE ABUSE, REGARDLESS OF WHAT TYPE OF ABUSE IT IS.

2. YOU ARE NOT INDEBTED BECAUSE OF BLOOD. YOU DO NOT NEED TO RETAIN RELATIONSHIPS BECAUSE YOU ARE RELATED.

end of story.

People will try to create debt situations that will make you feel like you need to maintain relationships with them. Many people will use children, quite unfortunately, as a debt relationship. What is a debt relationship? I may have made this up, but it's a situation that someone is holding something over your head, creating an indebtedness situation.

I didn't realize this was my own situation until I went to a counselor. I causally told her what had been going on in my life for the past two(ish) years. She said up, rigid, in her chair and looked me straight in the eyes. "That's an abusive situation you're living in. You need to get out." I was shocked. I thought she was bullshitting me. I thought she was overreacting. I thought she was bat shit crazy. I left her office in near hysterics; bawling my eyes out and shaking. Was this abuse? Have I gone blind to it? What does my son see, and what should I do for him? A thousand more thoughts and questions flooded my mind. My easiest route to self preservation was denial. "She's wrong," I told myself. I joked about the session to my boyfriend and friends.

I was wrong, and I know that now.

You do what you have to do to survive. You are resilient. You take it one day at a time. You rely on your self made network of your own made up family. All of this is okay. All of this is necessary.



DISCLAIMER: This may show my own privilege, I'm not sure, but I understand that due to circumstances that you can't just leave. I know what it's like to be in a situation where you cannot severe ties, but when/if you can, do it.

side note: this song is amazing. Although it might make me cry its so freeing, random, and lovely.