7.29.2018

This one isn't so much about me. It's about celebrating the fact that my boyfriend is still alive. A year ago today, it was altogether too close. Did you know that, if you don't know any better, that Diabetic Ketoacidosis looks a lot like food poisoning. Once the rapid breathing and delirium sets in, you know that something is wrong.

Something was incredibly wrong.

The night he was brought into the ER has burned a permanent memory in my brain. I'll never forget the doctor coming back down to redraw blood for labs because he believed they were wrong (hint, they weren't..... his blood sugar was 1400... aka.. not good). I'll never forget the pure shock of trying to answer the question of "How long has he been diabetic?" When he wasn't. At least we didn't know he was. As he fell from consciousness to not, his mother and I didn't know what to do, or to say. Guilt was our first feeling, considering we had been feeding him electrolytes for nearly two days. Guilt because we didn't recognize the symptoms of hyperglycemia when they were right there in front of us. Then came the sadness, knowing that as he laid there, he was unaware of what was going on, and the impact this was going to have on his life from this point on.

We watched him for hours. We'd sit there, hoping that when he opened his eyes again he'd remember why he was there. For three days we had to repeatedly tell him why he was in the ICU, and that he's diabetic. Having to tell someone, repeatedly, that they now have a serious medical condition is heartbreaking.

But what a difference time makes.

it's been a year since his diagnosis. CGM, T1D, A1C... insulin pumps, meters, testing supplies, (there's a long list.... ) is a part of his life now. It always will be, but holy shit I wish he could see just how damn amazing he's doing with this! He doesn't give himself nearly enough credit. He's so strong to be able to do this every day, as he has been taught by his doctors. Don't let him tell you different. He OWNS this. Even when his insulin pump alarm sounds because his blood sugar is on the rise at 2am. Even when he listens to his body and knows when he's going low before his continuous glucose meter alarms. And he even asks for help... it's beautiful, and honest, and raw, but he handles it. with grace. There are times that you can see the frustration on his face. The pain and winces. The frustration of knowing this is his forever, but he admits its overwhelming.

He lets this be his life.

He doesn't pretend that this is just a thing he needs to do. He doesn't let it take a back seat. He doesn't push it to the back burner. He lets it be where it needs to be; right there next to him.

Today marks one year of a rebirth. Today marks a journey. Today we reflect, and celebrate the challenges. Today, we laugh. 

Carry on, my loves, carry on

xoxo