Rebirth Birthday

This is Kali. you're welcome.

Today is my birthday. Today, I am low key celebrating my rebirth. Why? Because it is so fucking necessary right now. I've spent hours on the phone with New Hope For Women, and my advocate. I've texted friends and family until the wee hours of the morning just talking about what I'm going through. I've enjoyed Zoom meetings with those close to my heart trying to create a diversion to the shit show that is 2020.

For everyone that's listened to me, bitched at me, talked with me, let me cry, vent, whine... I love you. I legitimately love you. I thank you. I could not have gotten through this without you.

I'd like to say that Kali is back, but no. Kali is living up to her namesake. I've always said, as recent as this evening, that I was accidentally named after the Hindu Goddess of Death and Destruction. Tonight, I believe that this was no accident. I was fatefully named Kali. Here is my rebirth. And boy, Boy... this is your burn.

There is nothing that he provided to me that I can't provide for myself. Period. You gotta be more than just a nice face and a dick. Unfortunately, that is all he provided. I needed stability. He never provided that. He is the embodiment of uncertainty. He is chaos in all sense of the word. You can't beg for peace during a storm you've created.

He couldn't be faithful. Not even from the beginning. I've found out with 100% certainty that he was not faithful. He cannot tell the truth, nor can he refrain from deceit. His lies are deep, and even when he fucks up and trips up, he won't admit it. Boy, I caught you.

My intuition game is strong, and I've told him this from the beginning. When those senses started going off, even alllll the way back in 2017, I should have ran. He went on a trip to Seattle with his friend, Jay. My gut told me that something was off with this, and even as recently as January, I told him I don't believe him. He would say that this makes him sad. Boy, you lied. Jay, is J... a woman, who he fucked while he was out there. He came back and said that he had a moment of clarity while out there, and realized what he wanted in life, meaning me. No, he didn't. He was put in his place by a woman when he got drunk and she wasn't taking his shit. And she booted his ass.

He's a manipulative womanizer. He's an abuser. He's narcissistic. At this point, I don't care if he gets help. He is not my BURDEN anymore.

Why am I bitching about him? Because these are all things I will not tolerate with my next partner. I will not tolerate abuse. Period. No one should. So I'm going to burn the relationship. What a fucking waste of time, effort, energy, and money.

The time spent with him was a complete waste. I can say at least it's been a learning lesson. I've learned what I will and will not tolerate from a partner. I've learned over the past few weeks that there were very few positives that my ex provided to me. Even when it wasn't bad, it wasn't good. It as tolerable. I don't want a partners actions to be tolerable. Fuck that shit.

Here's my rebirth. Here is my moment. This is going to bubble up and escalate until my court hearing on Thursday. I am holding him accountable, and responsible. I will not let someone else come to his rescue, which is what happens time in, time again, time out.

Here's your fucking mirror, son. If you don't like what you see, that's your responsibility. NOT MINE.