A Little Nurturing Goes A Long Way

Nature vs. Nurture right? Are we the way we are because of genetics or our environment? I wish a black and white answer could be drawn, but it can't. The reason is because they both are contributing factors. I use myself and my brother as an example. genetically similar, with shared lived experience, but with wildly varying personalities. In many ways, we are polar opposites. It's hard to draw causality from this, so perhaps we need to add a few more factors in the mix?

Consciousness and identity of self: We, as intelligent beings (for the most part), can identify between right and wrong. I believe that these paths are contributing factors to our personalities. We get to choose, each and every day, what we are going to do. We walk through life living our very own "Choose Your Own Adventure" story. With that, we also get to choose who is in our lives.

This is the tricky part (side note: I notice that I do this 'one liner' thing a lot. I like it, and I'm gonna keep on doing it.... squirrel moment... back to the topic at hand...)

Sometimes it's difficult to chose what trajectory we should take. Some people are paralyzed by choice. Myself included. I can't tell you how many times my boyfriend and I lament over having to figure out meals. We get lost in the choice. Call it FOMO (fear of missing out for those who don't relish acronyms), but we fear that we will make the wrong choice. 

What happens now?

We default to the safe choice. We choose what seems easy and safe. Sometimes that choice isn't the right choice, but we want it to be. We then learn, and sometimes we stay stuck in our choice either out of fear of abrasion, or immobility. Sometimes, just sometimes, someone will break free and make a choice to change. 

Why does change happen?

Change happens when someone is either scared as shit, or safe. A change while scared usually is the fight or flight response, but what about change while safe? You change because of being nurtured. When nurturing creates a safe environment, people will feel safe. They will pick a path that is truly right for them. 

With that all said, I am so damn proud of my boyfriend. He decided to go back to school. That's not an easy task or decision. There are a lot of barriers being an adult learner, but even with those barriers, he had felt safe enough to take the plunge. He felt safe enough to make a sound decision. He felt supported enough to take this next step. It's difficult to be in a relationship where your partner does not have your best interests in mind. You can't grow especially if your environment is restricting and harsh. 

Sometimes our diminished environment and those who are toxic restrict us from being the best versions of our self. 

Jump out of that fishbowl and live.