The Price of Positivity

Forced Positivity makes you an 'other Wybie'. 

I had been thinking about being force-fed happiness. Then a friend posted a wonderful article (see below) that supports the idea that there's a dark side to forced positivity. We are constantly being told that we need to smile, to be happy, or 'fake it til you make it.' I'll be honest and say that I say that last quote as I try to make myself happy. I try to fool myself and talk myself into a smile.

But why?

Are we not allowed our feelings to show on our face? Why must be only exude happiness?

It's because too many people have an emotional IQ of a doormat. As I've stated times before, I am a highly sensitive person, and quite emotional. The most random things make me feel, and cause me to emote. For most of my life I've been told to push it down. I no longer do that. I no longer listen to the "put on a happy face," because it's not being said for me. It's being said to me to alleviate the owner's own inability to handle emotion.

BE POSITIVE SO OTHERS DON'T NEED TO HANDLE THEIR OWN EMOTIONS.

I've learned and understand that dealing with others emotions is awkward, and confusing. But I've also learned that I must not demand someone else to smile or be happy because I don't know how to handle what they are feeling.

What about the others that feel the burden to maintain the falsehood of happiness? I'm not a doctor, but I feel that this 'power of positivity' movement is really bumming us out. Hard. Denying your feelings is denying a part of yourself. It's subconsciously telling us that a part of us is wrong, and abnormal which creates isolation. We are swallowing parts of our emotional selves so others don't have to deal with it. We have to shrink and wither to fit into other peoples' inabilities to cope with emotions.

BUT REALLY, FUCK THAT SHIT.

There's a difference between being there for someone in a down time of need vs. telling them to smile. You can hold space with someone and allow their feelings to be, or you can tell them that part of them is wrong. It's your choice, but be damned to know the consequences of those actions.

Today I was holding space with someone in my office  while she waited. You could tell she was anxious. She was on a timeline, and about to lose her belongings in her storage unit. With windblown hair, and a nervous laugh, she passively mentioned that her therapist told her she's too high strung and she needs to not be. This woman had just fought international law and was back in the states after a tale that is fit for the silver screen. She had every right to be high strung. I looked at her and told her this. She has a very real right to those feelings, and even if she has always been this way, she is allowed to be herself. She doesn't need to make herself shrink away because someone else has told her that its not neurotypical. She's stuck in fight, flight or freeze and she is fighting, hard. She's determined, and making huge strides, but she is hypervigilant. She is high strung, and that is okay.

Don't smile because you feel obligated to do so. Don't let others tell you to be happy.

You do you, Boo. Let others hold space with you. Let others feel the abrasion in their ability to deal with emotions.

happiness has become an emotional burden