Trigger Trigger Trigger Trigger Trigger
I've learned more about my triggers in the short amount of time I've spent in Social Work than I have in my entire academic career. Chalk it up to experience over books, but either which way, it has become my mentor. What's one of my biggest triggers? Gaslighting children to manipulate them. HOLY SHIT. Would you like to see me at 100? That's how you get me there. I suggest you don't push it to that point.
The word(s) trigger/triggered has become so diluted and abused. In the most basic of senses, it's simply the direct line from event to hard emotion without or very little build up. Think of it like lightning. It just happens. Usually its not something you can prevent, especially if it's coming from someone else. I picture it as a pit at the top of my stomach (diaphragm, if you must) and the trigger just falls straight down into the hollow pit. It just plops there and explodes like a Mento in Coke. Rage. Anger. Sadness. Fear. It all comes spewing forth. The only thing I can do is to walk away or aim it. There's no capping it once it's been dropped. Usually when this happens I'm at work. I am graced with management that knows that I need to step away when I say "I need to go away for a moment." So I do. And I bitch to myself. I'll drop a few (quite a few) F bombs, or some other made up swear I could think up at that time. But I never direct back to the offender. It honestly does no good to do so. Plus, since I'm at work, it's sort of frowned upon. Regardless, I have learned that the outcome of that missile launch never ends in success. It ends in the other person knowing that they have some sort of power over me.
YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME AND HOT DAMN IF YOU THINK I'LL LET YOU THINK YOU DO.
I might be too feisty for my own good (I blame this on personality, the bullheaded Taurus in me, genetics, and size. Yes, I can be a short, angry person.)
What happens when someone knows or believes that they have some sort of power over you, especially emotional power? They are going to exploit the ever loving SHIT out of it. They are going to use it and abuse it to their advantage. 5 guesses what my next trigger is...
USING A TRIGGER AS BLACKMAIL IN A MALICIOUS GAME OF CAT AND MOUSE
I will absolutely not allow anyone to use my triggers against me. My reactions to my triggers are my own, but I will not allow that feeling or reaction to be exploited by the person who flung it to begin with. It's taken a lot of time and practice to get to this point, and it's ridiculously hard seeing this happen to people around you. Unfortunately, repeating "you can't let them get to you," is 99% bullshit. It rarely works, and that 1% of the people it actually does work on are already on their own way of self realization so you can't take much credit for that anyways.
Anger is a special emotion. I can't say it's true, but its honest. It tells you exactly the things you need to know about yourself. It tells you that you recognize situations as bad, and that there's a basis in trauma somewhere in your history. It may not be rational, but it's direct. It's distinct, and linear.
ITS ALSO A RAGING PAIN IN THE ASS
I don't particularly like being angry, because I feel like I'm not myself, but I realize it's a part of me, and it can't be denied. I must sit with it, understand it, and let it be. It's also difficult because it makes me admit that people have some sort of invisible hold over me. Not in the same sense as my second trigger, but more in general. I'm pretty sure it's a control thing, and I better live with it, and knowing that it is beyond my control.
When all is said and done, it's all a goddamn power struggle. It's a bitch fit of control, and if you're a stubborn ass like I am, the last thing you want is someone holding your strings and being the master of puppets.
Cut those strings, walk on, and know what your triggers are. Thank them for taking a direct train to anger.
YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME AND HOT DAMN IF YOU THINK I'LL LET YOU THINK YOU DO.
I might be too feisty for my own good (I blame this on personality, the bullheaded Taurus in me, genetics, and size. Yes, I can be a short, angry person.)
What happens when someone knows or believes that they have some sort of power over you, especially emotional power? They are going to exploit the ever loving SHIT out of it. They are going to use it and abuse it to their advantage. 5 guesses what my next trigger is...
USING A TRIGGER AS BLACKMAIL IN A MALICIOUS GAME OF CAT AND MOUSE
I will absolutely not allow anyone to use my triggers against me. My reactions to my triggers are my own, but I will not allow that feeling or reaction to be exploited by the person who flung it to begin with. It's taken a lot of time and practice to get to this point, and it's ridiculously hard seeing this happen to people around you. Unfortunately, repeating "you can't let them get to you," is 99% bullshit. It rarely works, and that 1% of the people it actually does work on are already on their own way of self realization so you can't take much credit for that anyways.
Anger is a special emotion. I can't say it's true, but its honest. It tells you exactly the things you need to know about yourself. It tells you that you recognize situations as bad, and that there's a basis in trauma somewhere in your history. It may not be rational, but it's direct. It's distinct, and linear.
ITS ALSO A RAGING PAIN IN THE ASS
I don't particularly like being angry, because I feel like I'm not myself, but I realize it's a part of me, and it can't be denied. I must sit with it, understand it, and let it be. It's also difficult because it makes me admit that people have some sort of invisible hold over me. Not in the same sense as my second trigger, but more in general. I'm pretty sure it's a control thing, and I better live with it, and knowing that it is beyond my control.
When all is said and done, it's all a goddamn power struggle. It's a bitch fit of control, and if you're a stubborn ass like I am, the last thing you want is someone holding your strings and being the master of puppets.
Cut those strings, walk on, and know what your triggers are. Thank them for taking a direct train to anger.
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