Check yo (mental health) Self Before You Wreck yo (mental health) Self

I've been struggling a lot over the last two weeks. We all have. At least, the vast majority has been struggling. I've drowned myself in music, and movies. I've binged Netflix, and submerged myself into my work. Yet, here I am, struggling daily will all the bullshit that surrounds my current, and new life. There are so many mantras that one can recite to act as the reminder that this is temporary, but hot damn, this is hard.

I've been single for a nanosecond, and apparently the cool thing to do is to scope peoples' social media and "roll up in their DM's". I have spent very little time being single in the time of social media, and its just foreign to me. I don't want... that. I don't want hook ups, and being ghosted. I don't want dick pics (GTFO with that shit), and I don't want the gagworthy banter of useless "just to get into my pants" flirting. It's icky, gross, and just... unnecessary. I'm not down with that.

You know what I am down with? Comfort. Support. Fun. Love. I'm also down to have someone who considers my mental health, as well as their own. My past two weeks, I've found myself crying, begging, pleading for answers. All of it, just a waste. Guys, I'm tired. I lay in bed hoping for sleep. When it comes, I crash. I sleep a dreamless sleep, which is not like me. I know I'm not in the best headspace I could be in, but I'm working on it. I'm working on me.

You know what's weird? Moving on. Moving on from a relationship that ended out of the blue and abruptly. I grapple with it daily; constantly. There are times I'm at peace. There are times that I realize the things that I deserve and the things that I should have are out there for me. I also realize that I don't need to rely on anyone else but myself. It doesn't mean I can't pine for what comes next in my future.

I can't wait for the next love. I can't wait for my next adventure. One that will be full of love, and joy. Full of understanding, comfort, and peace. I will find the love that I deserve.

I will find it, when it finds me.

xoxo