Christmas Survival

Holy shit.. we got this.

I've been listening to the Nutcracker Suite on repeat for weeks. Trying to amp myself up with enough holiday juice to get through Christmas, and skate into the New Years. One holiday down, one more to go!

Here I sit, December 26th, reflecting on this day. It will be 15 years sometimes between 7pm and 8pm that my mother choked me out and tried killing me. 15 fucking years you guys. Even as I sit here typing this out, I'm sick to my stomach just thinking about it. It doesn't make it any easier that my family isn't a super solid "solidarity" type of family either. My brother, who's a raging douche bag, will continue to tell me I'm playing the victim, as he continues on his narcissistic ways. According to him, I just need to let it go. He'll also continue to call me "unstable" and  a fat lazy piece of shit basket case. Needless to say, I've had to distance myself from him, and by proxy, his family too. It sucks that, in order to have a relationship with his daughter, son, and girlfriend, I would have to subject myself to his verbal abuse. I'm sorry, but I'll scream this until the day I die but...

YOU DO NOT NEED TO SUBJECT YOURSELF TO TOXIC PEOPLE TO MAKE THEM (friends and family included) HAPPY.

You're own mental well being is important, because at the end of the day, you have to live with yourself. You have to look out for you.

I've made a resolution for 2020 to work around the toxicity, and greet the new year with creative solutions. For those toxic bridge trolls who want me to pay the toll of emotional tax, I'm going to sidestep that bullshit. It may take a little more planning, and time, but holy shit my sanity is absolutely worth it.

With all the holiday bullshit aside, it was nice being able to spend my Christmas with people who love and care for me. A day without feeling on edge, or being criticized. A day to spend with people who want the best for you, and won't superimpose what they think you want, or what they want for you. It was warm, and inviting. It's exactly what I needed for me, and my little family.

I hope you get your peace during the holidays.

xoxo