65 days makes it a year
The 3rd hearing I've had to sit through thanks to the ex was today. This was the first time the sackless piece of shit didn't show up. In most senses, I'm glad he didn't. Knowing his shortcomings and personal life failures as an adult, father, boyfriend, husband, just.. all the way around, his inability to be more than a shitty human being is telling. But we already know what type of person he is. What's more telling is that he knows exactly what he is and what he's done. I only know my part of the story. And I know some of the other atrocities he's forced upon others, but he's the keeper of keys. He knows it all.
How fucking terrible it must be to hold all that nasty shit.
I know it eats him up. I've seen it. I've seen him break down and cry over the things he's done. Maybe he was sorry and drawing on pity knowing he had been caught in a lie. Who knows. Either which way, if its that Freudian battle between the id, ego and super ego.. let me arm them all.
Back to the day. He was easily found to be in contempt of court. Given the pittance of money he owed me, and the duration of time, one would assume that the $425 would have been paid over the span of 6 months, but no. That was far too difficult. By the time 10/23 came, nary a penny nor dime was received by me. It was almost another 2 months on 12/15 that the next hearing was, and his excuse was met with a grant of another 60 days. $50 paid towards the restitution, as my lawyer pressed upon him the time and seriousness of completion of payment. Here we are at February 17th, and he has been found to be in contempt.
Fucking idiot.
This time, I had to testify. The lonely courtroom with one saving grace seated in attendance, I answered a few awkward questions. In a court room of only women, I felt at ease. I wondered for a brief moment what would have happened if he had shown up? The slight diversion into his insecurities brought me back to my dismissal from the stand. A quick call by the judge and the determination that he is, indeed, in contempt where he was there or not was made. A few other exchanges and that was that.
Dismissal from the court room came, and with it a most welcomed, needed, necessary and long time coming hug was given. I know I've talked about the relationships I've gained through this whole ordeal, but words cannot express how near and dear these relationships are to me. We welcomed one another as if we were old friends. One would never have guessed that this was the actual first time meeting in person, in a courtroom never the less. It felt like home. It felt like safety, surety, comfort. If felt like a long time coming. We got to talk for a handful of minutes with my lawyer, then alone in the empty court halls. Her beautiful and fiercely full of life eyes sparkled as we lamented over the fact that he didn't show up, and he's completely unwilling to accept responsibility. Discussing the likelihood of jailtime for this prison-phobic asshole, we did all we could do, which was to shrug our shoulders. I got back in my car to meet up with another friend. Then it hit me:
In 65 days my PFA expires.
I pushed that aside as I drove to a coffee shop. The first time in a year that I sat inside a restaurant, but it was needed. It had been much much longer since we had last seen one another. probably 20+ years to be honest, which we agreed was too long. Another much needed, and welcomed hug (two in one day?!). We talked, laughed, sipped coffee, and caught up high level overview about life. I didn't apologize 50 million times for being awkward as I usually do, which was a surprise to me. I had forgotten how easy it was to talk to him. It was exactly what I needed. Coffee. Diversion. Convo. Catching up. It was perfect.
Sometimes a snapback to perspective is needed. For the few poorly behaved, misguided and tortured vampiric souls, there are dozens of dear loving wonderful hearts to be found.
Thank you.
I love you.
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